Thursday, March 4, 2010

How in the World? Volume 3: Skeleton Armies

We've all seen those movies where there is an advancing horde of skeletons, summoned (somehow) to animation by some dark fiend. These skeletons are advancing slowly towards the target, usually carrying weapons such as battle axes or swords. The poor people cowering in fear at the "target" are terrified to see this advancing army.

Creepy, right?
About as creepy as thinking about a gigantic bunny laying an egg.
I mean, I'm supposed to believe that these bones are somehow levitating, each in its exact position, right where it should be? How are they supposedly doing this without muscles or ligaments? In fact, how is it that they are not simply falling apart in the first place? Without connective tissue, the skeleton would crumble in a pile on the ground, let alone not be able to move.

A bit of anatomical background we should all be familiar with:
Our bodies are able to move because our brain sends a signal to specific muscles which causes them to contract. To move back the other way, it sends a signal to the "opposite" muscle which contracts and consequently moves the bone back. Our muscles are attached to the bones by ligaments, and it is through this method that we are able to move.

So let's put proper anatomical functioning aside in order to humor the creative idea of a skeleton being "animated" to life. If not muscles, then what holds the bones together? Is it supposed to be some sort of super high energy ultra-magnetic field? If so, where does that energy come from? Someone would have to be constantly shoveling them energy from somewhere, but it would be a mind bogglingly huge amount that it would fry the brain to comprehend it. Definitely, an army of moving skeletons is not an energy efficient way to take over anything. Much more expensive than it's worth. It would be more efficient to use that energy to create a super-duper-death ray that would level any and all enemies directly, rather than using such insane amounts of energy to animate "dead" bones to pick up weapons and walk to a target.

Building a skeleton army would be like building a fully functioning Chevrolet Camaro, filling it up with gas, turning on the key and listening to the engine rev up, then putting the car into neutral and hooking it up to your horses and giving people rides, filling up the gas tank when it runs out every couple of hours or so.

If someone had the ability to "animate" non living material in order to give that material a weapon and send it on its way to destroy, wouldn't it just be easier for them to animate the weapon directly in the first place? If they're going to levitate thousands of objects, they should levitate thousands of arrows and send them with 100% accuracy towards the target. Not 2,000 bones PER SKELETON SOLDIER, just to pick up a bow and pull it back in order to launch a single arrow with plausibly horrible accuracy (no eyeballs, you see).

It would be easier to levitate a single sword and send that at "targets" rather than over 2,000 bones just to lift a single sword. When the skeleton gets hacked to pieces, the sword just drops to the ground. But if you've levitated the sword itself (by what means? By whatever means you've levitated the bones, of course! Assuming you could, in the first place, that is), then the "target" would have to somehow destroy the sword itself in order to neutralize the threat. Much more efficient use of energy, IMHO.

3 comments:

Oveson's said...

It's more intense to see some undead being coming to get you than to see a weapon flying around hacking things to death by itself. Movies are made with the intent to make money. In order to make money you need to create something that appeals to basic human emotions - therefore most movies are either love, violence, sex, or fear. skelatons are scary so it makes for a better movie.

Seth

Brandi said...

I see where you're coming from, but I still think skeleton armies are creepy. Truly when you watch a movie like that it doesn't creep you out for even 2 seconds? I'm shuddering just thinking about it, even though in my head I know that it's just CG and it could never really work that way...

J Wilson said...

Oh, I'm not necessarilyt saying it's not creepy--or at least not any less creepy than an oversized rabbit laying an egg (Just picture that, and the hair on the back of your neck will stand straight up--like something straight out of Dr. Moreau's Island!)

And Seth: I know, I know. It's hollywood. It's all smoke and mirrors anyway--it all comes down to a director's decision to make something have a little more impact.

But that's just my point: There are a lot of things in this world that people believe in without any thought as to the logistics of HOW?

As Voltaire said: "When men cease to believe in absurdities, they will no longer commit atrocities."

Plus, it's kind of fun to analyze things that have strong emotional connotation, and realize there was nothing there to begin with--like the monster in the basement when one is a kid. There is a sensation of relief when one becomes master of one's fears.